Well, obviously I interrupted it a couple weeks ago. Or, starting school, then Tot 2 Tot did. But I do want to finish telling you about my days there, because oh how they have affected me.
Today however, I want to be real. People tell me how stoic I am, how I have been handling the waiting so well for our future son. Let me give you a little glimpse into my life. I will admit, it doesn't always affect my day-to-day. I fervently pray daily for his health, safety, care-takers, soul. I cannot wait to see his picture, and eventually hold his sweet body. I can't wait to take Eric to Uganda, and pray desperately he falls in love with the nation as deeply as I did. But there are days, like today, that it kicks me in the pants. This is not the first time, and I do believe probably not the last time. It grabs hold of me when I least expect it.
Today, I had a 'hard day.' New schedule, new co-op, kids still coming off of grandparent 'detox' for being there for 5 days with lots of ice cream ;) , started a new cleanse (well, that was my own fault). This is coming off a fun, but stressful, weekend of Tot 2 Tot. I can tell you my shoulders and neck are feeling that! But, it's MY Monday night. I bathe and put the kids in bed. Eric's at his Pespective's class for 3 hours. I typically get lots of things done. Tonight however, I declared NO WORK! I watched a short show. I got online, and it eventually led me to this post. I concur with her writing.
But yet, I watched the videos. And I bawled my eyes out. I am so happy for those families, and it gives me such peace watching their journeys. However, it is hard. We are 9 days away from being on the waiting list for 9 months. When we started this process in March 2011, we thought we'd be home with our son by now. We are 12th on the waiting list with our agency, and we hope to be placed by Christmas, but you just never know when you walk this road. In all my self-pity tonight, and it was great, I got an email. All I can say is, it put my 'hard day' in perspective.
I immediately began praying for the Kirabo Seeds team in Uganda. They have been taking a beating. As has the team here. So God chose to use my pity and yearning for Uganda, and turn it into blessing and praise-giving to Him. He is able. His is powerful. He gives peace and joy, even through the trials.
So, this may not be the most uplifting post, but I hope it gives you a glimpse into my heart. And my heart is hurting tonight.