30 days of giving

Alyssa at Kingdom First Mom is doing a 30 days of giving challenge.  I read about it a few weeks ago, and then thought, "I'll never be able to do that."  Then a friend of mine posted on her blog that she linked to Alyssa from my blog and she's taking part.  I even commented and said, "I don't think I can commit to that."  Then, at church this morning, I had SOOOO many thoughts swimming around in my head as our pastor taught about adoption.  I've been struggling a little lately just with different personal things, and one has been our finances.  I feel I'm at the point where we've scrimped and saved for so long, that I'm tired of it.  I just blew a $500 gift card!!  I didn't even have a chance to blog about it.  I got it like 2 weeks ago, and it's gone.  Nothing to show for it.  Lots of meals out to eat.  A zoo membership.  Some doctor's visits.  That's about it!  I feel like I haven't cooked in a month.  I haven't been a very happy mommy or wife, though I have really trying to focus lately on my attitude, and can see it's making a difference (with Cara).  My husband has been working A LOT the past 2 weeks and I've barely seen him.  I've been complaining.  I've not been a good friend, and I've been eating us out of house and home (ok, not literally, but I've put back on almost all the weight I'd taken off!!).  I've been overall just ugh, and exhausted (and so I don't have to answer to anyone, no I'm not pregnant). 

So today, my giving was small, but it helped to change my heart a little bit.  I was in an awful mood before church, even during worship I felt myself not wanting to participate.  I think I really let myself calm down the last song we sang.  But man, just in time because Alex had an amazing lesson for us, and it really touched my heart.  Anyways, then we rushed off to teach our 3 year olds, then to our ABF, then, you know, heaven forbid I cook, so we went out to eat for lunch and I was exhausted.  I woke up at 4:30 yesterday and couldn't go back to sleep and all I wanted to do today was take a nap.  I even told Cara as we were laying her down that Mommy was going to go take a nap.  Then I walked into the kitchen and saw the mess.  For a split second, I thought, "I'll just do it later, or maybe I can guilt Eric into doing it," but then I just 'sucked it up' (that's for you Mere) and did it.  I can complain and say I just cleaned all day Friday for the pampered chef party, or I just did 2 loads of laundry, or I just this or that and why can't someone ELSE do the dishes.  But one of the things that I personally got out of Alex's teaching was how blessed and unworthy I am to have this spiritual adoption Christ bestowed on me.  And how many ideas of how I can be a blessing to others.  But also, I know that I am called into this role as wife and mom, and though it is GREAT to bless others with your time and resources, I am also called to first and foremost serve my God and my family, without complaining!!  So, though it's not much, I did the dishes, and you know what blessing I received?  A husband standing right there next to me drying them and putting them away!!!